The winter season is upon us bringing shorter and darker days. In the Diagnostic Manual of Mental Disorders (DSM-5) this change in season may bring on a type of depression known as SAD (Seasonal Affective Disorder). This is no joke - there are quite a few people who manifest the associated symptoms of sadness, frequent crying, fatigue and lethargy, somnolence, decreased activity levels, social withdrawal, carbohydrate cravings, and weight gain. Understanding that education today is not only an accumulation of more skills and more data (not just the proverbial three R’s) but also in chinuch we strive to guide and nurture the whole child- not just their brains, but their minds, hearts and actions. To this end, this past week and into next week, we are focusing on various aspects of mental and physical well-being, ranging from nutrition (you are what you eat) to the influence of media (negative, usually) on our self-concept. The month of Kislev brings with it hope and light. We begin saying the “Ten Tal U’Mattar, Livracha”, understanding that even rainy days are a blessing.
In this week’s parsha, Vayetzei, Yaakov Aveinu has the well-known dream of a ladder ascending to the heavens with angels going up and angels going down. In his sleep state Hashem reassures him “הנה אנוכי עמך”- behold I am with you. When he wakes up from this dream Yaakov proclaims, “Indeed Hashem is in this place, ואנוכי לא ידעתי and I did not know.”
There are many explanations as to what the meaning of the dream is. I would like to propose that in understanding Yaakov we need to try and grasp the ongoing inner struggles he may have been dealing with. Firstly, as the second born child, although he was well loved by his mother, he may have been vying for his father’s attention. As a young man he may have been conflicted over what was the right and moral thing to do in obtaining his birthright. Was buying it for a bowl of lentil soup ethical? It may not have been easy for a righteous, respectful son, to be placed in a position where he had to, if not outwardly, lie to his father, certainly deceive him. How does Yaakov live with himself when what he did was duplicitous? Indeed, Rivkah, his mother advises him to run away. But, one can never run away from themselves, nor from G-d.
And so this dream, this sleepless night, may be a manifestation of the inner turmoil Yaakov was dealing with. The Anochi Lo Yadati can mean, it is I who don’t know myself. Although G-d reassures Yaakov that He will fulfill the blessings and the promises made to him and his father, Yitzchak, and grandfather, Avraham, nevertheless Yaakov wanted to find himself - who am I?
We witness this struggle continue for years and reach a turning point when Yaakov returns home, back to Canaan. The episode that we will read about in next week’s parsha, Vayishlach, appears to be a pivotal point for Yaakov in his identity crisis. Once again, Yaakov is wrestling, is it with an angel, is it with himself? It is at this juncture that Yaakov becomes Yisrael. Yaakov’s name, Yisrael, alludes to the inclusion of G-d (א--ל) permanently as a presence and guidance in molding his persona. We are commonly referred to as Bnei Yisrael, the Children of Israel, people who understand that there are often conflicts in life but that I am I because Hashem is in this place, Hashem is in me, my actions, my thoughts, my relationship to others and my relationship with myself.
A number of years ago I read an excellent book entitled Climbing Jacob’s Ladder, written by Alan Morinis. It is a non-fiction riveting account of how the author in the face of personal crisis, turned to his Jewish heritage for guidance Embracing the philosophical elements of the Mussar movement, Morinis gained insight into how discipline for self-development, meditation, contemplation and other well-developed transformative practices can bring peace and solace to a turbulent soul. I highly recommend reading this book!
As thinking human beings, we too have struggles, but the overarching lesson for us may be that we too can climb that ladder, stretching from our mundane earthly existence to our heavenly aspirations. We can find the “Anochi” (the I) by developing our personal moral compass, by doing overt acts of kindness, by recognizing that Hakadosh Baruch Hu is in this place, in every place.
In less than three weeks we will be celebrating Chanuka. The 25th of Kislev is when the days get longer, and the lights go on again. Let’s keep the lights on no matter what the season is! Be content, be you! Be the source of light in the world.
Have a peaceful Shabbos
Shabbat Shalom
Rochelle Brand, Ed.D
Head of School
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