When we were younger there was a game we played called mad-libs. You filled in the blank in sentences that then when strung together made up a funny, sometimes ridiculous story. Humor me a minute and let’s play that game together now. Fill in the blanks _____________(name a person) did the following _____________(negative adjective) ___________(negative behavior, action, spoken words) and I reacted by _______________. Keep that same sentence but change the last word, to BUT I FORGAVE him/her. When I ask myself what I have gained, besides weight, during this period of social distancing, I can share with you that I have learned the value of forgiving. I think we all have come to the realization that we do not have much control over what happens in our lives. We never did, even if we thought so. But what we do have control over is how we react to things. Every night before I go to sleep I now take the time to say the full Kriyat Shema Al Hamita beginning with the paragraph הֲרֵֽינִי מוֹחֵל לְכָל־מִי שֶׁהִכְעִיס וְהִקְנִיט אוֹתִי, אוֹ שֶׁחָטָא כְּנֶגְדִּי בֵּין בְּגוּפִי בֵּין בְּמָמוֹנִי בֵּין בִּכְבוֹדִי בֵּין בְּכָל־אֲשֶׁר לִי, בֵּין בְּאֹֽנֶס, בֵּין בְּרָצוֹן, בֵּין בְּשׁוֹגֵג, בֵּין בְּמֵזִיד, בֵּין בְּדִבּוּר בֵּין בְּמַעֲשֶׂה, בֵּין בְּמַחֲשָׁבָה, בֵּין בְּהִרְהוּר, בֵּין בְּגִלְגּוּל זֶה בֵּין בְּגִלְגּוּל אַחֵר, לְכָל־בַּר יִשְׂרָאֵל, Basically, I am forgiving anyone who has gotten me angry, sinned against me, hurt my feelings, with words or actions. This is such a powerful tool - to be able to say it’s ok, I forgive you, let’s move on. On these long Shabbat afternoons we review Pirkei Avot - The Ethics of Our Fathers - and in this week’s Perek #3, Mishna 10 it is written: Rabbi Hanina ben Dosa said: כָּל שֶׁרוּחַ הַבְּרִיּוֹת נוֹחָה הֵימֶנּוּ, רוּחַ הַמָּקוֹם נוֹחָה הֵימֶנּוּ. וְכָל שֶׁאֵין רוּחַ הַבְּרִיּוֹת נוֹחָה הֵימֶנּוּ, אֵין רוּחַ הַמָּקוֹם נוֹחָה הֵימֶנּוּ. Most seforim translate this as “one with whom men are pleased, God is pleased. But anyone from whom men are displeased, God is displeased.” I would like to take the liberty of translating it just a bit differently and say that “one who is pleased by mankind, Hashem is pleased with him/her, and those that are NOT pleased by others, will NOT please G-d.” Either way the onus is on us, individually, in the way we relate to other people. If we are kind, and benevolent, caring and forgiving, so Hashem will be to us. And if we are nasty, miserly, angry, unforgiving, so too will Hakadosh Baruch Hu judge us. How we react to circumstances around us, relate to others or relate to ourselves, is indeed in our control! Sometimes you can’t help but be angry but before you let another day go by, before it is too late, release yourself from those feelings. It’s not worth bearing a grudge, worrying about your kavod (honor) or harboring any ill feelings. Don’t wait for Acharei Mot (After Death) to say Kedoshim (They were holy). The time is now, today, or at least before you go to sleep every night, to forgive others, to forgive yourself and to even forgive Hakadosh Baruch Hu. As hard as it sometimes is to accept - as it is written in Masechet Brachot 60B Rabbi Akiva says כל דעביד רחמנא לטב עביד - Everything that our Merciful G-d does is for the good! Have a good Shabbos, Shabbat Shalom!
Dr. Rochelle Brand
Head of School
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