This week’s parsha, Mishpatim, contains many of the social laws that perhaps we would follow whether we were Jewish or not. It is basic civility to care and show concern for others. Yet, as with so many seemingly mundane acts we bring an element of kedusha to everything we do. Hashem has commanded us to demonstrate empathy and while it is hard to control one’s feelings, the Torah spells out ways in which we are to do so. In a society that permitted slavery, Jewish slave owners were instructed to be benevolent. There are laws pertaining to restricting usury, kidnapping, theft, bestiality and other edicts which every civilized society ought to follow. Again, we do so, because not only is it right but we are commanded to do so. Parshat Mishpatim insists that our deepest convictions find expression in our actions and in turn our actions will penetrate our hearts.
Rabbi Jonathan Sacks writes that one of the salient themes of Parshat Mishpatim is the concept of empathy. Rabbi Sacks expounds as follows: “ Empathy is not a lightweight, touchy-feely, add-on extra to the moral life. It is an essential element in conflict resolution. People who have suffered pain often respond by inflicting pain on others. The result is violence, sometimes emotional, sometimes physical, at times directed against individuals, at others, against whole groups. The only genuine, non-violent alternative is to enter into the pain of the other in such a way as to ensure that the other knows that he, she or they have been understood, their humanity recognized and their dignity affirmed.”
This is such an important concept in understanding why bullying may occur. If we understand that the child who is aggressive, verbally or physically, may be suffering from some internal conflict, and if we can comprehend the source of the pain, then we can avoid the pain they inflict on others. The children that are hard to love are the ones who need our love the most. And even if we don’t feel it in our hearts (yet) we must do so in our actions.
In this parsha it is written “Should you see your enemy’s donkey sprawled under its burden, would you fail to help him? You shall surely help him along.” (23:5) . Here we are clearly instructed that when we see our “enemy” suffering we have an obligation to help him , to relieve the pressure of his load, to try and make life easier. If this is true for a stranger, how much more so for people whom we are close to. When we see our friend struggling with a physical or a mental burden, we must help lighten that load. This is true in families and even in the workplace. An employer cannot take advantage of his/her employees. Indeed, the opposite is true - the workload must be bearable.
However, the wording in Hebrew is a little strange . Azov Ta’azov Immo” “You shall surely help along with him.” The common translation for Azov in this sentence is to help, as in Azor. But the word Azov means to leave. Adam Harishon is told when Woman is first created (BR 2:24): “So a man shall leave his father and mother and cling to his wife;” the word “leave” is “ya’azov,” from the very same root as azov! So why do we translate it here as “to help?”
We are taught that the highest form of charity is to help the recipient become self-sufficient. The Rambam says “Give a man a fish and you feed him for a day; teach a man to fish and you feed him for a lifetime”.The true goal of helping another person is ultimately to leave them to their own efforts; thus restoring their self-respect, along with the ability to financially survive. Azov & azor - to leave alone, and to help - fit together very nicely.
I would like to suggest that we keep this in mind as we are “helping” our children. It is essential that young adults learn to be self-sufficient. Our students make mistakes, be it in their classwork or social life. As parents and teachers there is a time to step in and help, but there is also a time to step back - “Azov ta’azov” . and enable our children to grow up and learn to be resilient. We cannot always cover up for them, make excuses, continuing to make them dependent on us rather than learning how to advocate for themselves, to learn from their mistakes and to grow and be responsible adults.
There is so much in Parshat Mishpatim to guide us in life. We must empathize. We must assist. We must lighten the load and we must train our hearts to understand the plight of others. Sometimes we need to open a door, say a kind word, or simply help someone stand up on their own two feet and then leave them alone.
Wishing everyone a Shabbat Shalom!
Rochelle Brand, Ed.D
Head of School
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